Why Keggers Are Not Good For Recent High School Graduates

Okay, so after hearing from Jen regarding my railroad encounter, I decided to tell ALL of my embarrassing, drunken tales. Depending on how many are suitable for all eyes, I may have quite a few.

Below I will explain why the law dictates that you wait until you’re 21 to drink.

My parents held huge graduation parties for my brother and me after we graduated from high school. My brother’s party, which was held in June of 1989, went relatively well. Mine, on the other hand, wasn’t so pleasant – well, for my parents and me anyway. I graduated from high school in June of 1995 and my party was held that same month. I was smack dab in the middle of my wild phase and there were no signs of me slowing down. But, my parents promised me a party so that’s what I got. My parents ordered kegs, invited the entire family (extended family - 3rd cousins, great aunts - the whole shebang) and my friends as well as my brother’s.

I don’t remember if my parents allowed me to drink that night or if I just took it upon myself (which does sound like me). But, I really think my parents told me I could drink as long as I stayed home. So, just like all parties I usually attend, the party progressed while my blood alcohol content soared. My friend, Stephanie, who was pretty much my partner in crime during that phase, was going to spend the night at my house. Towards the end of the night we started to hang out with my brother and his friends more. Mind you, my brother and his friends were all 22 or 23 years old. Well, as the clock neared 1:30 a.m. my parents got ready for bed. My brother and his friends started talking about carrying the party over to his house (the one he shared with his girlfriend, Cindy – we’ll call this house Waterford). Well, I didn’t want the party to end for Stephanie and me, so I invited Steph and myself to their party. My brother said, “Ask mom”. So, I ran inside and asked my mom if I could go over to Waterford with my brother and his friends. Well, she said, “No”. But, if you’ve been following the story and my mindset at that stage in my life, you’d know that I wasn’t about to listen to that. So, I told my brother that mom said, “No” and my brother, in his infinite wisdom, said, “Well, you just graduated high school, you can make the decision for yourself”. Thanks Big Bro! So, Steph and I hop in the car with my brother and his friend, Rich. We run to the gas station to pick up more beer and then head over to Waterford.

When we arrived at Waterford, there were just a few of us left. It was my brother, Steph, Cindy, Angie, Rich and me. Well, we continued to drink and hang out. After drinking keg beer all night, I downed a bottle of Hot Damn, some Cinnamon Schnapps, some more beer, and then I moved on to Peppermint Schnapps to top off the evening. You all know the old adage, “Beer before liquor, never sicker. Liquor before beer, no fear”? Yeah, I learned that was actually VERY TRUE that night. I’m almost positive that if you would have taken me to the hospital that night, they would have diagnosed me with Alcohol Poisoning and pumped my stomach.

So, I guess around 3:30 or so, I started getting sick. Cindy, who is now an RN, tends to bring this up every now and then, we all have a good laugh and I end up feeling like an ass (but, whose fault is that?). **Note: My brother ended up having my first nephew, Zach, with Cindy and they are no longer together** Anyway, I ran to the bathroom to try to make it to the toilet before I threw up all over everything – unfortunately, I didn’t make it. I was so close, yet so far away! I threw up ALL over the bathroom. Poor Cindy had to clean it up. But, the scary part about this is that my vomit was actually black, yes black. Cindy told me that this meant I was bleeding internally – that can’t be good. But, after I prayed to the “porcelain God” for a while, I went back to the living room where everyone was still partying. I think I may have moaned and groaned while I went in and out of consciousness. Here is where things start to get a little blurry (go figure, I’m surprised I remember this much).

Just take into account that the rest of this story is “hearsay” as I don’t remember what happened. I was told that around 4:30, Angie, my brother’s friend that I got along with very well, decided it was time for her to go home. Apparently, I didn’t want her to drive drunk, so I followed her out to her car to plead with her to stay. I guess she wasn’t listening to anything I was saying, because she ended up leaving. Now, she was parked out on the street in front of Waterford (which happens to be the street name). Incidentally, Waterford intersects with a very busy road called Laclede Station. She was actually parked on the corner of Waterford and Laclede Station. I guess I was waaaaay too tired to walk all the way back into the house after she left, because I just fell asleep (okay, maybe I passed out) in the middle of Laclede Station. Sadly for me, everyone in the house was on the brink of passing out as well and didn’t realize what had happened (I was later told that they thought I went back to Angie’s house because they looked outside and didn’t see me – of course they didn’t, I was laying down!). So, while I was passed out in the middle of a busy road, two county cops came toodling by and picked me up. Apparently, my mom answered the door between 5:30 and 6:30 a.m. and saw me with the county cops. The cops ask my mom if I was her daughter and I assume she shamefully replied, “Yes”. That’s when they advised my mom that they found me passed out in the middle of the road and that I was very lucky that I didn’t get hit. Man, they were so right. I just wandered in the door and to my bedroom where I quickly fell asleep.

I, completely, understand why the law states that you must be 21 to drink because, quite obviously, 17 isn’t the right age! I, firmly, believe you should be 30…but then, your partying phase would be too late in life and that might mess up careers and the like. Anyway, if your kids are scared to death of embarrassment, go ahead and let them read this story because I will tell you that incident was VERY humiliating. Regrettably, I must not have been frightened of embarrassment, because I continued to do REALLY STUPID & EMBARRASSING things for the next 5 years.

Looking back, I was a very stubborn young lady (if you could call me a “lady”). I was, and still am, the type of person that has to learn from her own mistakes. My parents tried talking to me millions of times; they tried telling me about their mistakes so that I could learn from them instead of putting myself through the same crap. But, like I said, I was too stubborn. I can’t say, I’d take back any of my experiences, but I can say they were awfully embarrassing. I feel like people that knew me then don’t respect me now because of the stupid things I did as a reckless teenager. If only I knew then what I know now, things would have been so different.

Oh well, I don’t know what incident I’ll write about tomorrow, but I know there are plenty to choose from. Linlee, any ideas?